


supernova

by SyntheticRevenge



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Freeform, Tarsus IV, but only a brief mention, formfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 07:19:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7881880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SyntheticRevenge/pseuds/SyntheticRevenge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brief formfic following AOS Kirk's storyline</p>
            </blockquote>





	supernova

i.  
his birth was light and fire and screaming and pain and sacrifice and void. his birth was a supernova. he was born among the stars. he was born into what he became.

ii.  
he didn’t have much of a chance for childhood, just twelve years spent staring at the sky. he would go into the woods behind his house and pretend he was an explorer on a new world, at night he would watch the stars and embrace the dull ache filling his body. someday he would stop wanting to chase the unknown. someday he would catch it.

iii.  
he didn’t have much of a chance for childhood because it was torn from him, replaced with stabbing hunger and cracked lips and persistent dizziness and an instinct to keep surviving that he couldn’t override. he stopped aching for the stars and started aching for food and comfort and love. 

iv.  
when he came home he embraced the identity the world had thrust upon him. damaged midwestern trash farmboy is the card fate had dealt him, and who was he to rebel? he’d seen what rebellion got you. he dreamed about it every night. he chased girls and drank until he blacked out and got in fistfights to hold the memories off, to play his part in the world. sometimes he looked at the stars, but all they’d ever done for him was watch passively. he owed them nothing.

v.  
he took the dare because he remembered how it had felt to dream. he took the dare because he wanted to be more than his past trauma, he took the dare because he hated his life and this was a way out, fate changing its mind, letting him draw a new hand. maybe it was changing the game entirely. either way, he wouldn’t back down from it. he would be better. he had to be.

vi.  
it felt like it was supposed to happen. he fell into the chair for the first time and it felt like a practiced motion, like some past life’s memory. he was meant to be there. he closed his eyes and breathed deeply and finally felt like he was home. he was with the stars. it was time to boldly go.

vii.  
he had a home and a family. he had four hundred people that respected him and he loved every single one of them with his entire heart. he would have died for them at a moment’s notice. 

viii.  
he _did_ die for them. he would burn down every planet in the galaxy, break away from starfleet, do anything if it meant he could keep his crew safe. he’d been torn away from family before and he was never going to let it happen again.

ix.  
he had two men who loved him unconditionally and he loved them unconditionally in return. sometimes that love came through soft touches and light kisses in hyperlifts and sometimes it came from cracked-voiced curses and sometimes it came from sobbed nicknames but it all felt real. not romantic, just unbreakable. 

x.  
some things never get better, though, and he still woke up screaming and sweat-drenched in the middle of the night and he still compulsively ate far too little if at all and he still had panic attacks any time a decision he made got someone hurt. but he was trying and it was helping and one day he thought maybe he could be whole again.

xi.  
he thought when he was little that once he was up there with the stars, out exploring new worlds, discovering new life, that the aching would stop. he’d thought eventually he would stop wanting more. he never did. 

xii.  
there was always something new in the distance and he would keep chasing it until he died.


End file.
